I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. At least it feels that way. It used to feel different, but in retrospect, maybe I didn't know then, either. Maybe middle age is when most folks finally admit that they never really knew. And it's taken me several years of middle age to get there on top of that.
But for a while now, I'd keep developing a plan, a basic framework that felt possible, do-able. And I'd maybe get off to a good start… and then just fall off a cliff. All my energies - mental, physical, & emotional – have been about as consistent and reliable as … I don't even know. Let's just say "not very" or more accurately "not at all" for now. I'm not sure of the point of this post, other than to just get something down, so please forgive me if this gets rambling.
Around this time last year, I was climbing out of 3+ years of post concussion syndrome, just starting to re-enter 'normal' life, and figure out how to stand on my own two feet (figuratively) again, when the seriousness of COVID-19 became clear. I'd had 3+ years of mostly isolation due to sensory issues, and a whole lot of depression and anxiety to go with it, with extra circumstances making recovery even harder, more uncertain, and more drawn out.
So I was already / still on wobbly ground when the world went topsy-turvy. While I skew introverted and don't need a lot of social interaction, the amount I do need, I really really need. I've lived alone for the past year, and have been trying to re-establish the art-biz self-employment thing. I might have sough employment out in the world by now if it hadn't been for the pandemic. The mental/ emotional health took another hard hit. THEN… as if that weren't enough, without getting into details,… something tends to happen to a female body when it reaches the early 50s, and yeah, that thing happened over this past year.
March is Brain Injury Awareness Month, and while I'm doing SO much better, I might try to detail some of the worst of my experience. Now that I have a lot of brain back, and some energies, I might even get somewhere with it.
For now, peace and love to y'all. Hopefully see you again soon. Stay safe.
OH! And PS: My Orange cats had a birthday yesterday, and this post needs a photo. So here they are:
…and many mooooooore.
author / artist rambles on about painting, writing, cats, punk rock, vampires, ska-core, mTBI, comics, and life in general.